Whatever the reason is, I was thrilled when author Kalifer Deil approached me on Twitter to tell me about his sci-fi/space opera novella McCambrie's Army. Not one to pass up reading sci-fi by an indie author, I downloaded the e-book. Did McCambrie's Army satisfy my space opera craving? Read on to find out.I'll cut right to the chase faster than a battlecruiser doing a slingshot maneuver around a gas giant: McCambrie's Army is not enjoyable at all. I obtained an electronic copy through Smashwords--an ebook publishing service for authors and independent publishers. I know that self publishing has lost some of its stigma in recent years, but every now and then you discover a book that embodies all of the negative aspects associated with self publishing. McCambrie's Army is that book.
Here's the product description to get you started: "McCambrie Corporation had a monopoly on off Earth mining of vital materials. Their armed space force dwarfed that of the UN so they where almost impervious to Earth law. U.S. President Thorton wanted to rein in MacC as it was called. Her spy, John Crowley, had a rough start but soon fell in with Barbara Makowitz who seem to have a penchant for sex, murder and mayhem."
That should give you an idea of how the rest of the book goes. McCambrie's Army is poorly written and in dire need of some proper edits.
The "as it was called" sets the tone for how the story begins. Right off the bat there are numerous typos and punctuation errors in the first couple of paragraphs. There are sentences that end in periods when they are actually questions. There are declarative sentences that end in question marks. It's just a mess. And that's not even the content.
The first three paragraphs, and indeed much of the dialogue in the book, are dominated by giant info dumps. Here's a portion of the second and third paragraphs:
"McCambrie corporation, or MacC as it was commonly known, was not too high on the health and welfare of its workers [...] They ran mining operations using nuclear boring machines and separators on Mars, the asteroid belt and the Jovian Moons. Very dirty operations.
"Why didn't the UN Earth force take some kind of action against MacC. UN law certainly covered outer space? The reality was MacC had a well armed space fleet twice as strong as the UN fleet" (3, emphasis mine).
The "as it was commonly known" and other variations are used over and over in the book. All they do is pull the reader out of the story because they're saying things that characters should already know. Using this device every now and then would be fine, but the sheer number of times its used in McCambrie's Army is inexcusable.
The plot follows John Crowley as he works inside MacC as a spy for the President of the United States, but it's extremely hard to follow. By the end I was so confused I didn't know who the antagonists were. Random technologies are introduced when they're required by the plot. There are BTC's, Vpac's, sims, and all other manner of devices that aren't used effectively. From what I grasped of the plot, it seemed like there was a bad company just as powerful as MacC that was trying to take over somehow using simulated humans. All in all it was a little more cyber/biopunk than space opera, but that's beside the point.
There are numerous instances of poor writing, but the one that really stuck out in my mind was the sex scene between Barbara and John. The description used to describe Barbara's body is just...bizarre for lack of a better word: "She had a hard face but her body was, well, ripe and ready for market, cantaloupe breasts, watermelon butt, and a relatively small waist" (16). Um, what? There were a couple more sex scenes, and they weren't any better than that.
I have nothing against sex, violence, or swearing in the books I read. I dislike sex scenes that feel a little like wish fulfillment on the author's part. There's a threesome with Barbara, John, and a second woman thrown in who's named Sylvia. The scene includes references "menacing sex toys" and "French kissing a bellybutton." Again, bizarre (and not in the good way).
McCambrie's Army just comes across as a self published book, and I know I'm using the pejorative definition. There are grammatical errors, formatting errors, and problems with the plot, characters, and dialogue. It is in dire need of a thorough edit by a professional. Skip McCambrie's Army. There are much better sci-fi offerings out there.
The strangest thing about this whole experience is that I found out that Deil has a free ebook on Smashwords called Editor's Notebook which is supposed to "help writers edit their own books" because "editors are expensive for self publishers to use so he developed this guide to help him do his own editing." I think he needs to rethink his editing strategy because it's not working, and I'd hate to see other inexperienced writers following his advice.
Although I'm not thrilled with it, I take you criticism very seriously. The Editors Notebook was actually an effort to compile all the errors that I and others discovered in my writing. It unfortunately came too late for most of my earlier works that need to be revisited. (That is a nice advantage of e-books.) Fortunately, there is now a piece of software, made by Serenity Software, that is a fair editor for many of my problems. I used it to advantage in the Tillian 5 series and will use it to fix many of the problems with these earlier stories.
ReplyDeleteI think I daydreamed my way through most of my English classes. That was probably the reason I became an engineer.
There is only one thing in your criticism that I probably won't change. You labeled my work cyber/biopunk. I'm not sure I would use that same label but it is a future that I see and embrace to some extent. We are in a swift evolutionary path in that direction.
Again, thanks for reading it. I take what you say to heart.
McCambrie's Army has been revised and re-released at Smashwords. I suspect it still won't suit your taste since you don't like "cyber/biopunk" to use your classification. The cantaloupe and watermelon references are gone. It was an attempt to be somewhat gritty in a Mickey Spillane sort of way. It was out of character and didn't work.
ReplyDeleteThe techno-gadgetry is still there. One of the reasons for setting a story in the future is to see how future technologies will interplay with the characters. On the other hand, if your story is set in the future then you need to build a consistent future with what is likely to be possible at this future time. Imagine trying tell a story in 1910 set in our 2010 future. You would be continuously explaining everything from microwave ovens to smart cell phones, that were also computers that would connect you to the Internet.
You might like "In Her Name - Empire" by Michael Hicks" It is a self published science fiction novel with a sword and dragon bent. I am not a sword and dragon fan but found this to be a good well written story. I found a few typos in it and I'm sure you will find more but I just recently read a novel published by Harper Prism that had two typos on the first page. Where were your coveted editors. Publishing houses are now under immense economic pressure and the first people to be laid off are, sadly, the editors.
Kal